South Park: Friendship is NOT Magic
by classicdisney4thewin
Summary: Butters gets the whole school obsessed with the show My Little Pony. Agitated and confused, the boys split from the group and declare war on the bronies. It's an ultimate battle between defensive White Knights and malicious Haters. (WARNING: story contains a few OCs that belong to my friend and I). Rated T for swearing.
1. OC Prologue

**IMPORTANT NOTICE PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING: Wow I haven't written South Park in ages! And I gotta say I think I have improved throughout the past 2 years here on fanfiction. I'm going to give myself another try and write another South Park story, fresh from the start. There's two major reasons why I am restarting my OC storyline:**

**My friend Nico (USED to PHYSICALLY be a girl named Nica as you may remember from my first fanfic on here) had a transgender operation, so I thought it would make sense to restart the storyline**

**I wanted to restart anyway because like I said before I feel like I have improved in many fields; plot, character, avoiding Mary Sueness, etc. **

**So now I would like to re-present my three South Park OCs my friend and I share (yes they are based off of us so don't get all butthurt about it, and don't call our characters Mary Sues and Gary Stus UNLESS you are giving constructive criticism, in my opinion what makes a character unoriginal is ripping off of other characters, making them flawless, and attracting all of the guys and gals. By being yourself you're so much more original and unique) All right I will shut up now. XD Here is a short Prologue introducing the characters and how they got to South Park, enjoy!**

**PROLOGUE:**

**April 28****th**** 2014**

Kenny and Kyle stood by the bus stop, watching Cartman play the infamous iphone app Flappy Bird. The two boys all chuckled as Cartman vigorously tapped the screen to avoid the green pipes. A loud smack silenced their laughter.

"Ah god dammit I was so close!" Cartman whined.

"Maybe next time fatass", Kyle smirked, "you better put that away, remember what happened the last time the bus driver caught you playing on your phone?"

"(Haha yeah it took five doctors to pull your phone out of your-)".

"Don't remind me Kinney! I'm playin this shit again!"

As Cartman continued the game Stan walked up to the bus stop.

"Dude Flappy Bird again?"

"Yeah dude, it's gotten so popular ever since they removed it from the app store," Kyle explained.

"(Why?)"

"I heard some faggot shot his brother because he got a higher score," Cartman blurted out.

Stan raised his eyebrows.

"That's awful!"

"The app is soooo addicting though!"

"But that's the exact reason why you shouldn't be playing that game, especially since someone was murdered because of it!"

The bus drove up and came to a halt in front of the boys.

"Son of a bitch!" Cartman muttered as he quickly stuffed his iphone in his pocket.

"Sir there will be no gizmos allowed on this bus," the driver informed.

"It's not a gizmo hippie it's a fuckin iphone 5S! Where do you live fuckin Nigeria?!

The boys all took a seat in the back and looked toward their left spotting 3 unfamiliar faces. One was a boy named Nico, who had light brown skin, scruffy brown hair, and thick black eyebrows. He wore a dark blue visor cap, a matching T-shirt, saggy black pants, and wore lots of wristbands on his left arm. Sitting next to him was a girl named Allison with straight brunette hair pushed back by a large, dark pink headband. She had on a blue jacket, thin black pants and shoes with pink gloves and a pink scarf. A small dimple lay on her left cheek. The girl sitting behind them, Jessie, had long, wavy brunette hair that reached to her waist. She wore a large navy blue sweatshirt that reached to her kneecaps, black leggings, and small green, red, and white knitted boots with yellow gloves.

"Who the hell are they?" Cartman asked.

"Hey fellers!" Butters called out from the front, "Those guys over there are new here! They're all the way from California and they'll be in our class too! Isn't that cool?"

"California?" Cartman repeated, "Oh mah God!"

Kenny tilted his head in confusion as the fat boy began to scoot away from the new kids.

"(Stop backing into me you fatass piece of shit!)"

"You don't get it Kinney! They're from California! The number one most popular location for the homeless in the entire country! They have lice, sexually transmitted diseases, and worst of all _aides!_"

"Aides is a sexually transmitted disease retard!" Kyle snapped.

"Oh hamburgers! I don't want the new kids to give me aides!"

"We don't have aides and we don't have diseases!" Nico spoke in an irritated tone. He grabbed some hand sanitizer and applied it onto his palms.

Allison looked down and tugged at her scarf.

"But we do have homeless, lots of them in San Francisco."

Cartman jumped out of his seat.

"AH HA! I KNEW IT! YOU ALL HAVE AIDES, YOU BETTER GET THE FUCK OFF THIS BUS BEFORE I POP A CAP IN YO ASS!"

"Dude, stop trying to sound black!" Nico retaliated.

"Well stop trying to sound white!"

Suddenly a large, green pop-tart looking creature with red shoes smacked into the glass window.

"Hey guys!"

"Dude what the fuck is that thing?!" Stan hollered.

"What is all of this racket?!"

The bus driver pulled over to the side and slammed on the brakes, "There better not be any gizmos out!"

The three new students rose from their seats and began to panic.

"CHEESY?!"

"What the hell is a cheesy?" Kyle questioned.

The boy opened up the window and let him inside.

"Cheesy how did you follow us here?!"

"I asked myself that exact same question after I got high, took 4 sticks of dynamite, strapped them to a pair of jetpacks all while singing High High Over the Rainbow."

"Well you need to leave right now! You can't be here!" Jessie scolded.

"Who are you children talking too?!" the angry bus driver hollered.

"Um-uh no one sir," Nico answered as the small group sat back down.

"Wait no one else can see this guy?" Kyle asked.

"Only kids our age can," Allison answered, "it's really weird…"

"I'll bet."

Outside of the school the three new kids had strapped Cheesy down to the flagpole with duct tape. He hummed High High Over the Rainbow as class began inside.

"All right children settle down. We have three new students joining us today, there all from California-"

Many students began raising their hands.

"No they are not from Hollywood, San Francisco, Sacramento, Los Angles, or San Diego! I know these guys are as bland as rice crackers but let's all try and give them a warm welcome."

Everyone's hand sank back down as Nico, Allison, and Jessie walked up to the front.

"Tell us a little bit about yourselves guys."

"I'm Nico."

"I'm Allison."

"I'm Jessie."

"We're from Lafayette."

"We're all really good friends."

"…..yeah, sorry guys I have no idea how to finish this introduction off."

"Jess!" Nico snapped.

"Well maybe you shouldn't put me at the end next time!"

"Very nice guys you can go ahead and sit back down."

"Great, we're stuck for an entire fucking school year with a Mexican-white male wannabe and two bitches," Cartman pouted.

Wendy glared at him.

"Do you have to call every girl in the school a bitch?"

"No I've also got skanque, whore, slut, pussy, cu-"

"All right I get it shut up!"

Nico set his head on his desk and folded his arms.

"Great we're stuck for an entire year with a fat racsist shit, in a shithouse of a school."


	2. Bronies Destroy the Ratings

South Park Friendship is NOT Magic Ch.1

3 weeks after Prologue

It was Monday morning in South Park. Tired and exhausted from the weekend, students began filing into class and taking their seats just as the bell rang. Cartman's eyes were glued to his phone as he continued playing Flappy Bird, counting out loud what number he was at.

"34…35…36…37…38…"

"Cartman just put it away already!" Kyle scoffed.

"Shut up Kahl!...40…41…42-"

SMACK.

"SON OF A BITCH SHIT!"

Cartman angrily chucked his phone at the chalkboard, the students gasped as it bounced back like a rubber ball.

Stan raised his eyebrows.

"Cartman! Your phone!"

"I know, check it out!"

He flipped over the device to reveal a thick, iphone cover with a picture of Flappy Bird.

"It's the Exclusive 'Flappy Bird Holy Shit I am so Pissed off at this App I Want to Throw my 300 Dollar iphone at the Wall and Hope it Shatters Just Like my Dreams of Beating this Fucking Game iphone 5S Case'. It's surprisingly selling well on Amazon. It's built with super elastic material so when you throw it, it bounces right back to you! It's so coo!"

Kyle glanced over.

"So if I throw it at your fat head it will bounce right back to me?"

"Yes Kahl, just like if I throw it at your stupid hat!"

"My hat isn't made of blubber like you!"

"Yes but you know what's under the hat? A jewfro. And you know what's under the jewfro? Gold, lots and lots of gold you greedy back stabbing jews just love to keep for yourselves. And everybody knows how far elastic travels when it's bounced off of gold."

"Nothing you just said made sense," Craig pointed out.

Mr. Garrison entered the room and took his seat at the front.

"All right everyone settle down. Today before we take our math quiz I'd like for you all to present your favorite television show, aka the homework assignment you were all supposed to write for the weekend. So who'd like to go first?"

Everyone was completely silent.

"Ohhhh you know what that means!"

"Oh no not the dildo sticks!"

"Mmm hmmm you said it Wendy," Garrison hummed as he grabbed a small, tin pail full of small, plastic dildo sex toys with students names written on them. He shook the pail around and slowly began digging around as the students cringed.

"Ohhh nooo who's it gonna be?"

"All right all right I'll go!" Stan hollered as he walked up to the front, "My favorite television show is Terrance and Phillip. I love it so much because it's funny, and it taught me that if you fart on your relatives, you may be diagnosed with an infected anus in a month."

The whole class burst out laughing.

"The plots are interesting, the humor is timeless, and the actors always have great performances. I think everyone should watch Terrance and Phillip."

The fourth graders clapped as Stan took a seat.

"All right who'd like to go next? Anyone?"

"God damn it guys!" Cartman mumbled as he walked up to the front.

"My favorite show is Breaking Bad. There is swearing, gun fights, and lots of action. It is a mature grown up and adult show, and has inspired me to save up money in the summer so I too can purchase my very own hand gun for Christmas and fulfill my dream. My dream of becoming Bryan Cranston. But it is so god damn annoying when everyone in the universe talks about how awesome the show is. I know its coo and it is my favorite, but sometimes peeps just don't know when to shut the hell up! The end!"

Few students clapped as Eric sat back down.

"Who'd like to go next?"

"I'll go I guess," Butters announced as he timidly walked up to the front.

"My favorite show is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!"

Cartman began to snort, trying to hold back his laughter.

"I love this show because the characters are so adorable, and the ponies are really hot. They are like the Kardashians, but they don't got clothes on, and they are ponies not people."

The chubby boy covered his mouth and set his forehead on his desk.

"The show is funny and teaches you that friendship is the strongest thing on the planet. I hope one day to find out if the elements of harmony can exist on Earth. Thank you!"

"BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! AHH OH MY FUCKING GOD AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Eric if you don't shut up this instant you can send your sorry ass to the principal's office!"

Cartman wiped away a tear.

"I'm sorry Garrison seriously, I'm sorry. It's just that- that is the gayest thing I have ever heard! Butters watches My Litlle Pony what a fag! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Bebe raised her hand slight and gave Cartman and irritated look.

"So, I watch My Little Pony."

"Yeah but you're a chick!"

"I watch it too," Clyde added.

"OH MY GOD! HA HA HA HA HA! THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! 2 fags at the school now, two fags who watch this crap!"

"I watch it," Craig added.

"Oh my god you guys seriously!", Cartman arched his back, "my lungs are gonna explode."

"No, like we seriously watch this show and actually like it. Kids our age and older watch MLP all the time. It has super high ratings."

"Wait…wait what?! Our age…and older?"

"Yeah Eric!" Butters added, "you ever hear of the bronies?"

"B-bronies?"

"Yeah they're boys that are fans of My Little Pony, they range from around ages 10-30."

"Gross!" Jessie exclaimed, "old guys watch My Little Pony?"

"Oh mah God…this can't be happening."

Stan looked over at Kyle.

"People like My Little Pony?"

"I guess so, maybe we should try watching it."

"Yeah maybe it's like badass or something."

At lunch, Cartman, Kenny, Stan, Kyle, Jimmy, Timmy, and Token gathered around the computer inside the computer lab to watch an episode of My Little Pony.

"Come on Spike! We have to find the Elements of Harmony before it's too late!"

"Dafuq is this?!" Cartman exclaimed, "this is the gayest thing I've ever seen!"

"Guys our age and OLDER watch this?! Just ponies talking about girly things and making references to pop culture?" Kyle added.

"I mean Butters watching this show is no surprise but…Craig and Clyde really?!"

"Okie Dokie Lokie! Tee hee hee hee!"

"Mah god, this is worse than I thought!" Cartman hollered, "we got to do something about it!

Token got up from his seat and began walking out of the lab.

"Token?" Stan called out, "Token where are you going?"

"I'm going to join that brony club after school to learn more about the show."

"T-Timmy!"

Timmy wheeled over after the black fourth grader.

"T-T-Timmy?" Jimmy stuttered.

"You guys clearly aren't seeing the brilliance of this show."

"(What fucking brilliance?! It's gay!)"

"It's not gay Kenny…you…you just don't understand. If only you could see the true power it possesses."

"What the fuck is there to understand?! It's just ponies in a girly fantasy world with cupcakes and strawberries! What the fuck are we missing?!"

"Try watching the episode again if you aren't seeing anything!"

"TIMMY!"

"Oh great now what?!" Cartman complained.

"Whoa, check it out!", Stan pulled up his phone, "My Little Pony is the number one show on the Hub and holds the biggest, most popular cons in New York with over 500,000 bronies across the country attending each year. Do you know what that means?"

"Half of this country's population is officially gay?"

"No Cartman! My Little Pony ratings are higher than Breaking Bad ratings by about 3.8%"

"NOOOOOO! WHAT THE FUCK HAS THIS WORLD COME TOOOOO?!"

"God damn it we gotta teach those bronies to stop giving this show so much attention!" Kyle hollered as he and the other boys marched out of the lab.

**International Meeting of Television Networks United (I.M.T.N.)**

Inside the I.M.T.N. sat representatives of big television networks. They all chatted away until the head representative of Fox TV took a seat at the front and slammed a large mallet down on the surface.

"Silence! The International Meeting of Television Networks United has come to order! And I think you all know why we are sitting here today."

"Yeah! Hub is sucking up all of our ratings!" the rep. for ABC hollered.

"But everything on the Hub is so…kiddie…and under rated," TLC stood up, "why on Earth are they getting all of this popularity?"

"I'm glad you brought that up TLC. There is only one explanation for all of this catastrophe, and that of course is…My Little Pony…Friendship is Magic."  
"What?" Nickelodeon questioned.

Fox pulled up a diagram, listing pictures of ratings charts and scales.

"It started off as an innocent show for little girls in continuation to the My Little Pony era, this being their fourth and by far most popular generation. The first three generations were disliked by males and mocked like they should be. But it all changed in the year 2010 when the ratings suddenly sky rocketed off the charts after the first few episodes aired."

"Oh my Jesus!" Adult Swim cried.

"For years Fox has hired expert scientists and researchers to find the solution to this issue, and just yesterday we found out-"

Fox was interrupted by a sudden knock on the door.

"Oh shit it's the Hub!" The Nostalgia Channel flinched.

"Whatever you do don't let him in!" NBC cried.

"Hey…hey guys?...can I come in…you seemed to have accidentally locked me out…again…um…I'll…I'll just uh…go then…I guess…can you save me some of PBS's donuts?...please?...thanks…."

"Phew that was a close one!" Fox exclaimed, "all right back to what I was saying. Just yesterday we've discovered the secret to My Little Pony."

The representatives began chattering once again.

"Scientists have discovered that The Hub uses a special kind of mask over the animation that changes the entire outcome of this show. This mask cannot be seen by adults, and little children. Only kids around ages 10-20."

"So how can we see what the show actually looks like?" Cartoon Network asked.

"If you look underneath your seats, I have ordered pairs of specially enhanced visionary glasses that allow you to see what the show ACTUALLY looks like threw the eyes of bronies."

Everyone took out the glasses and set them down on the table as Fox moved on to the next slide.

"I am to play the trailer for the show, put on the goggles when I tell you too!...MTV!"

He played aloud the clip.

"My Little Pony! I used to wonder what friendship could be! Join Twilight Sparkle! Fluttershy! Rainbow Dash! Pinkie Pie! Rarity! Apple Jack! And Spike! On a quest to find the Elements of Harmony! Only on the Hub!"

"Put on the glasses and watch again! This is what it looks like with Brony Vision."

An explosion appeared on the screen as the ponies walked out with large tits, sexy getups, and long, flowing hair.

"My Little Pony! The most badass fucking thing you will see in your entire life! Join this sexy bitch! This sexy bitch! This sexy bitch! This smoking hot bitch! And don't forgot the dragon hittin puberty lane! As they encounter the Mafia, the ghetto, and this random badass looking place where gun fights are happening all the time, to find the Elememts of Harmony! Aka sex! Only now on the Hub!"

"My god", ABC stammered.

Fox shut off the slide show and sat back down at the front.

"Gentlemen, we've got a destiny to fulfill. If we want to put an end to these Hub ratings…we gotta find the Elements of Harmony."


End file.
